1.Three ways to die....
Take a ciger daily--you will die 10 years early
Drink Rum daily-- you will die 30 years early
Love someone truly--you will die daily
2.A foolish MAN tells a woman to STOP talking,But a wise man tells her that
she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
3.One good way to REDUCE alcohol consumption. ....
Before marriage--Drink whenever you are SAD
After marriage --Drink whenever you are HAPPY
4.Fastest means of transport... ...
1.Tele-Phone
2.Tele-Vision
3.Tell to woman
Need still FASTER--Tell her NOT to tell anybody
5.Love your friends NOT their sisters,Love your sisters NOT their friends.
6.A man got 2 wishes from god. He asked for the BEST wine and BEST woman.
Next moment, he had the BEST wine and MOTHER THERESA next to him.
MORAL:Be Specific
7.If you doNOT have a girl friend--you are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a girl firend--ypu are missing EVERY thing in your life.
8.When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE??
Ans: On Their MARRIAGE
9.Why government doNOT allow man to marry 2 woman?
Bcoz, as per constitution, tou canNOT Be Punished TWICE for the same mistake...!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
If a student makes a mistake
If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style....... ......... .....
*********
If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.... .......... ........
*********
If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation... ......... ........
*********
If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture..... ......... .
*********
If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law.......... .........
*********I
f a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention... ......... .
*********
If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..... ......... ....
*********
If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory...... ......... ...
*********
If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!! !
Just for Laugh
Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"
Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
andPanic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,
dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidentialDad says, you are my son, I'm confident.
Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"
Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
andPanic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,
dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidentialDad says, you are my son, I'm confident.
Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...
Origin
A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered:Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed. The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your father told you about his side...
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered:Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed. The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your father told you about his side...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Sardar jokes
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
------------ ----
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
------------ ----
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
------------ ----
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He
was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
------------ ----
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an
umbrella and go.
------------ ----
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs back.!
------------ ----
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
------------ ----
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screamin like all the
passengers in the car he was driving..
------------ ----
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
------------ ----
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read
very fast.
------------ ----
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
------------ ----
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking
at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan
is PM not AM".
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
------------ ----
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
------------ ----
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
------------ ----
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He
was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
------------ ----
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an
umbrella and go.
------------ ----
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs back.!
------------ ----
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
------------ ----
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screamin like all the
passengers in the car he was driving..
------------ ----
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
------------ ----
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read
very fast.
------------ ----
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
------------ ----
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking
at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan
is PM not AM".
Student vs Professor
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.He immediately answers:
"Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.
The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.He immediately answers:
"Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.
The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Did you know....
School: A place where Papa pays
and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that
keeps you poor all your life so
that
you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up
to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in
which a man loses his bachelor
degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of
Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by
which masculine willpower is
defeated by
feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring
information from the notes of
the
Lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through
"the minds of
either"
Conference: The confusion of one
man multiplied by the number
present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a
cake in such a way that
everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where
success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where
everybody talks, nobody listens
and
everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by
nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from
the rest....except that he got
caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when
you are late and late when you
are
early.
Politician : One who shakes your
hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your
ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people
praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot
of things straight.
Office: A place where you can
relax after your strenuous home
life.
Yawn: The only time some
married men ever get to open
their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others
believe that you know more than
you
actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can
do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done
together.
Experience: The name men give
to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end
all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments
himself during life, to be spoken
of when
dead .
and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that
keeps you poor all your life so
that
you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up
to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in
which a man loses his bachelor
degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of
Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by
which masculine willpower is
defeated by
feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring
information from the notes of
the
Lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through
"the minds of
either"
Conference: The confusion of one
man multiplied by the number
present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a
cake in such a way that
everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where
success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where
everybody talks, nobody listens
and
everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by
nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from
the rest....except that he got
caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when
you are late and late when you
are
early.
Politician : One who shakes your
hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your
ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people
praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot
of things straight.
Office: A place where you can
relax after your strenuous home
life.
Yawn: The only time some
married men ever get to open
their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others
believe that you know more than
you
actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can
do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done
together.
Experience: The name men give
to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end
all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments
himself during life, to be spoken
of when
dead .
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This is Funmania where all funny posts will be posted for fun.Jokes,funny pictures,ads,funny lines,shayaris & quotes will be posted.Lets start......
This is Funmania where all funny posts will be posted for fun.Jokes,funny pictures,ads,funny lines,shayaris & quotes will be posted.Lets start......
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