KISSOLOGY

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is LoveCHEEKis HeroismNECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY.
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Woman: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
Man: And if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ........


A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,This is my sardarni,He is my kid,& she is my kidney.
............ ......... ......... ......... ........


English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
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FRIENDS

"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
............ ......... ......... ......... .....


Its a Fact : A Girl may not help u to get lot of Salary But..
Salary may help u to get lot of Girls. So, Love ur Work not Girls...!
............ ......... ......... ......... .....


How wud an angrez tel an indian naukar
Who cant undrstnd english 2 "open d door."
Speak Dis very fast. "There was a Cold Day"
............ ......... ......... ......... .....


In india,we hav only POSTMAN,but no POSTWOMAN,why?
Bcos ,they take 9 months for DELIVERY
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Super Computer

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father?" he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.
Clever Guest laughed.
"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."

Antim sanskar

Biwi ka antim sanskar kar ek aadmi ghar ja raha tha.
Achanak..... Bijli chamki tufan Aaya aur barish Hui,
Dukhi Aadmi bola "Lagta Hai Pahuch Gayi."

~~~~~~~~~

Paani mein Whiskey milao at nasha chadta hai.Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

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A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.
What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Hua', 'So-Hua'

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What's the diff between Dava & Daru?Dava is like girlfriend,That comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi.

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why men wear ear rings??

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Chak de India!!

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......
Scroll down for answer...... ......... ....
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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!

Some light jokes

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

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Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

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Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer:No, I can't.Waiter:Then does it really matter?

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Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

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Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

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Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.

Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

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Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?

Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

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Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

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Lawyer's fees

A new client meets a famous lawyer.
Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?

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Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?
Seller: Yes, I have sold him 3 times earlier also.
He is so faithful, everytime he returned back to me.

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Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the cup is clean!"
Waiter instructs the cook: "Two teas, with one asked for a clean cup."

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Lalu was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "Yes!"

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English Teacher

English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,
"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,This is my sardarni,He is my kid,& she is my kidney.

~~~~~~~~~

"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"
Do u want a documentary proof ??
Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!

~~~~~~~~~

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is LoveCHEEKis HeroismNECK is Lust
BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY.

~~~~~~~~~

The Lawyer Squirrel

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It’s my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That’s not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn’t quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I’ll take the meat."

Jokes

I can kiss u
I can kiss u without even touching u.

Gal: U can'tSanta: Lagi 10-10 ki

Gal: OkSanta kisses her lips

Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya

Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs.
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Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai.

Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?

Santa: Airhostess!
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Starts with tea?
Santa: What's the name of ur car?Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.
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Ek baat batani hai
Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.

Santa: Bolo.Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!Santa:

It's a gud News.Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
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a car on loan
Santa bought a car on loan...

He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.

Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

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Santa went2 c a gal 4 marrigeParnts decided 2 let thm b alone 2 talk
Santa:Behanji aap kitne bhai-behan ho?Gal:Pehle 3 the ab 4 HO GAYE
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1 ladki
Santa told Banta: "Yaar 1 ladki mujko hans k dekh rahi hai"
Banta: "Dhyan se dekh..hans k dekh rahi hai ya dekh k hans rahi hai.!"
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SMILE PORT
santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,while landing, he shouted : "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",
air hostess : " B-silent please ",santa said : " OMBAY - OMBAY.....!!!!!!!! "
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airhostess
After unsuccessful attempts to land the plane airhostess was repeatedly saying.. "we r on outskirts."
Santa shouted "when will we enter the skirts?"
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application form
Santa was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "Yes!"

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Hijackers' trick

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians.
They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one politician every hour.

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Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

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"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

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Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.
Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

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Kingfisher -The King Of Good Times

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.
The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .
The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."
The bartender serves him. The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."
He gets it.
Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."
The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.
The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"
"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"

Sardarji in Delhi

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder".

Bank robbery

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

BLONDE PILOT

A blond is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies.
Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
"Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam.
I'll talk you down, just do as I say.
First, I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!"

Innocent Questions

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
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3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
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5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
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6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"
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7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
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8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
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9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
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10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother .. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
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11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

Words women use

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
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Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
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Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
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Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
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Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
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That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
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Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

A Toilet

A Toilet is like a committee meeting.
People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.

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Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.
Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?Student : Ladies first.

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Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

GM vs Microsoft

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engi! ne.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor! want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately! cause t he car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

Embarrassing Situation

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.
The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,
"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. FOR ONE NIGHT ? ! THATS TOO MUCH !"

More fun....

Doctor patient ke peche bhag raha tha.
Ek admi NE pocha kya hua?
Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.
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Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,Why?
Because Dr. NE Jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.
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Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,
2nd sardar: hain phir tum NE kya kiya?
1st: kuch nahi main NE sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.
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Pathan girl friend ko ghar Le gaya,Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.

A STORY OF POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

Some funny lines n quotes

1.Three ways to die....
Take a ciger daily--you will die 10 years early
Drink Rum daily-- you will die 30 years early
Love someone truly--you will die daily

2.A foolish MAN tells a woman to STOP talking,But a wise man tells her that
she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

3.One good way to REDUCE alcohol consumption. ....
Before marriage--Drink whenever you are SAD
After marriage --Drink whenever you are HAPPY

4.Fastest means of transport... ...
1.Tele-Phone
2.Tele-Vision
3.Tell to woman
Need still FASTER--Tell her NOT to tell anybody

5.Love your friends NOT their sisters,Love your sisters NOT their friends.

6.A man got 2 wishes from god. He asked for the BEST wine and BEST woman.
Next moment, he had the BEST wine and MOTHER THERESA next to him.
MORAL:Be Specific

7.If you doNOT have a girl friend--you are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a girl firend--ypu are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8.When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE??
Ans: On Their MARRIAGE

9.Why government doNOT allow man to marry 2 woman?
Bcoz, as per constitution, tou canNOT Be Punished TWICE for the same mistake...!

If a student makes a mistake

If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style....... ......... .....
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If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.... .......... ........

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If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation... ......... ........

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If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture..... ......... .

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If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law.......... .........

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f a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention... ......... .

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If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..... ......... ....

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If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory...... ......... ...

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If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!! !

Just for Laugh

Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"
Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
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Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
andPanic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,
dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
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Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .
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Sons asks difference between confidence and confidentialDad says, you are my son, I'm confident.
Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

Origin

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered:Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed. The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, while your father told you about his side...

Sardar jokes

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

------------ ----
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

------------ ----
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

------------ ----
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He
was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

------------ ----
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an
umbrella and go.

------------ ----
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs back.!

------------ ----
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....

------------ ----
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screamin like all the
passengers in the car he was driving..
------------ ----
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
------------ ----
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read
very fast.
------------ ----
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..

------------ ----
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking
at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan
is PM not AM".

Student vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.He immediately answers:

"Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Did you know....

School: A place where Papa pays
and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that
keeps you poor all your life so
that
you can die Rich.


Nurse: A person who wakes u up
to give you sleeping pills.


Marriage: It's an agreement in
which a man loses his bachelor
degree
and a woman gains her masters.


Divorce: Future tense of
Marriage.


Tears: The hydraulic force by
which masculine willpower is
defeated by
feminine waterpower.


Lecture: An art of transferring
information from the notes of
the
Lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through
"the minds of
either"


Conference: The confusion of one
man multiplied by the number
present.


Compromise: The art of dividing a
cake in such a way that
everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.


Dictionary : A place where
success comes before work.


Conference Room : A place where
everybody talks, nobody listens
and
everybody disagrees later on.


Father: A banker provided by
nature.


Criminal: A guy no different from
the rest....except that he got
caught.


Boss: Someone who is early when
you are late and late when you
are
early.

Politician : One who shakes your
hand before elections and your
Confidence after.


Doctor : A person who kills your
ills by pills, and kills you by bills.


Classic: Books, which people
praise, but do not read.


Smile: A curve that can set a lot
of things straight.


Office: A place where you can
relax after your strenuous home
life.


Yawn: The only time some
married men ever get to open
their mouth.


Etc.: A sign to make others
believe that you know more than
you
actually do.


Committee : Individuals who can
do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done
together.


Experience: The name men give
to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end
all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments
himself during life, to be spoken
of when
dead .

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